Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Kate Kelly and Ordain Women - how I feel about it...

Kate Kelly was formally excommunicated from the LDS church. I kinda knew this would happen. Even though her efforts aren't in vain. I feel like I have had something of a spiritual feminist awakening and I cannot go back to the way things were. 

I am gonna try and be more Christlike - that is what I have learned while reading posts on FmH and the exponent blog. I think I used to be very selfish - you know, just kept to myself... I think motherhood will do that to ya anyway.

I went from being pretty outgoing to just a homebody in the last few years... First, I had two kids and I was still outgoing but then as baby three and baby four came along, I have withdrawn more and more from the outside world.

I have wanted to get out and get more involved but just the lack of sleep makes it difficult. I think it might be easier to get out if one has a license and a car - it might be actually easier then... but as I don't have that, I have definitely become a homebody.

I have found in the feminist Mormon online communities - a place of hope for something better. I can see why, the thought of being a baby producer in eternity can seem very undesirable. Here on earth, the more kids you have, the more tired you are - and the more you kind of lose yourself. Like I said, I went from being pretty outgoing, even developing different talents, to kind of just surviving day to day. 

It's hard because I don't want to be seen as ungrateful and unloving, because I love my kids and I find a real joy in listening to them talk - funny cute talk and in watching them do things - even the littlest one climbing up two steps of the slide and back down again, up and down, up and down... as he gains more confidence, it fills my heart with gladness to watch this...

So, I can see why they often have talks from over the pulpit to tell women and mothers to not fret - to just enjoy these mundane moments because they will be gone far to fast... (though, describing them as mundane is kind of a insult)...

but there is this sense that in eternity, this will be women's calling - divine calling to reproduce - to make babies for all of eternity.

I think that's why in the LDS feminist online community there is a such a push to know Heavenly Mother. What is she like? What is she doing right now?

I have thought, perhaps she is not involved in this process because she is busy with the little ones.... but then, she can enlist older spirits to help with the little ones.... which is why, we women often feel like, that's gonna be eternity for us - making baby spirits and nothing more....

It makes me worry a bit. I know that I cannot comprehend all that God can comprehend... but I desire further light and knowledge.

I think women want "the priesthood" because they don't want to just be baby makers the rest of eternity... although making babies in itself is super fun and exciting... the act of being pregnant has it pro's and con's... 

Taking care of little ones also has it's pro's and con's.... but I don't consider myself just a mother. I consider myself so much more. 

Ultimately, I feel a sense or sadness although I haven't shed any tears... but I will continue to dig a little deeper and try to understand my place in this world... and my place right now is obviously as a mother to my little ones, but in a few years, they go off to school, and for me to just not work and stay home doesn't feel right... it feels right to complement my husband by working and continuing to engage in my interests, hobbies and talents - explore them further... help others - work in activism, etc.

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